Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
