I wish I only lived at night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
