Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
