the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize