do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
