I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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