I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
