Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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