id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
