He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
