im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
