Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
