not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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