why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
