I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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