Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
