If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize