Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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