Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
