Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
