It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
