you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
