Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
