What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
