so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
