So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize