two words: eviction party
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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