she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
