I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
