I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
