I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
