Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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