Sry I called you an 8
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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