when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
