And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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