I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
