before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
