how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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