I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
