Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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