Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
