my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
