You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
