Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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