im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
home. puking in laundry basket.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
