So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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