i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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