Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
