Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
