doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
