Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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