after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
