Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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