Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
