I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize