yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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