Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
