New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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