I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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