There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
