She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
