Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
