im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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