i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
