Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
