I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
