so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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