hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
