Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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