My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
