went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
