A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
